REGRETNESS

One day, all of you will regret with what you all have done to me right now. I don't deserve to live in this world.Seriously I can't.Where have my family go?They don't even cares about me at all.I feel the same way.Bro,the same way like 10 years ago.LIFE can be miserable,sometimes those bitches don't even know my stories.What they knew was to talk shit and give those stupid comments about my life.GFYS!life as a lonely girl is normal on me.That's why I say,I like to be alone.No friends,no bother,no problems even I can't feel the happiness but the satiesfied can be feel at the same way.It just the time going to change it.Dear parents,thanks for all your kindness,the things you all bought for me and the efforts that you gave.I appreaciate it alot.But I can only say thanks.I'm not in love with all of it.There is no love towards me.I felt live is unfair.Everythings was dark and usefull.Live must be fill in with tears...................I cried while typing this.I have to go.bye.lots of love to SAPPHIRE SWARTZ

AWFUL

Damn.How could you think I did that?Dear God.I swore .It's not me.I didn't mean to be like this.Actually,where am I?where have I been for a long time?It seems like I don't even have  family either friends.My famile asked me to stay here a little longer.Do you guys know that I'm alone here.It's kinda bored.I can't study here.I hate the subjects wwhich the one is not my choices.I don't even want to be an engineer.Why people still forcing me to do the same mistake like they did before towards me.Life is so complicated.Full with depression,jealousy about others's success.Life is no longer a playground,and it's a jungle out there with though choices.People always told me to arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.Damn.

Fatal Is Near I think~

Things happened to fast without my expectation.Who wonder the life of painful plus the sin that I've done.Dear my darling,I still love you and always love you.Remember that!.Tomorrow I'm gonna return to the hostel.The sadness of life had come and I can feel it right now while posting this.So hate it or not,I must go on or if not I might  get the failure.The sickness can be feel every midnight when I was alone on my bed.Tears  gonna accompany me followed by the sorrowness like living in the black universe which was command by the evil :'( Nobody can feel it.Trust me,this is  not my first time living without my family.This is the second one or maybe the third.I can't remember it as well.While hearing to the music and the melody of the piano and violen,its make feel more better than before even for a while.Examination is around the corner and every night I stay up late recite the Quran and Yassin to  release my stress and pray to God so He which the most merciful and  the one who always forgive and guide me to the right path with''NUR'' just by remember to him. Without study,I won't success in my life,not just me,but everyone want a happy life and a successfull carrier for their entire life.Sometimes I always  read those sad story books because most of them were adapted by truth stories :( and I really,really hope I will past my  examination and I realised I'm not dummies,I just lazy to do it.Even in the midnight I'm kinda sleepy doing my revision, I still miss my home and blog.Sometimes those studies make  me stres like I'm living in the hell,but that's not what I want,I just need a happy life style which I can comfort my self and study at the same time.Some people might think I'm crazy because I used to adore many weirdo things such as HORROR MOVIE,STORIES..listen up folks ! Those stories is more precious than love story,But the  one that I loved is the SADDDESS STORY ~Life is simple but many people forget their sins ! So wake up people and live up the light in your heart with smile even it hurts.-PRINCESS SAPPHIRE SWARTZ

LIFE NO.DEATH YES!

So,life must be go on like usual.But wait,this time I'm not gonna post about him but the life of FQ.Yeah that's me.I've been changing school last year.It's quite hard for me to forget all those memories with friends and siblings :( The hostel was kinda bored.I'm just had a FAKE my smile so  everybody won't even know that I hate living in those prison.It hurts the most when all your life being  fully controlled  by the rules!rules!and rules! You can't be free as a bird out of the cage.Friends are just friends for me,but they were not my friends as AWIN,DIANA, ;(When I took my shower,tears came down through the cheeks.I WANT MY LIFE BACK ! I WANT WHERE I CAN STAY UP ALL NIGHT,HEAR THOSE SAD PIANO SONG..BUT hmmm*sigh* everything  was gone without my realising.Haters are always there even well I don't know what to type and lose ideas cause I can't control the tears which is coming out right now while I'm typing this.The teachers was quite okay,but I hate the course. that I TAKE.It's not my choice at all,but my parents who forced me to be in the Mechanical Engineering course.I wanted to be a DOLL FASHION DESIGNER  but everything  ruin .My sketches,my designs who wants it? No one want to see it.It's priceless said mom to me :'(I have no strength to continue all of this.I fed up with all of this.I have no life well you can see right? I'm being controlled by people around me to do this,to choose this,to wear this and so on ! Damn Shit! This is not gonna end like this.Dear My Lord,if this is the  test that you give towards me,I accept it it with  open heart even it's complicated.

SUCK!!!

Yes my blog is now look new fresh. All my previous posts has been deleted. And I've changed my template and everything on my blog has totally changed. Just to make it fresher than before.So let's the story begin...We used to be friends.. best friends.. you moved and left me alone in this cruel world.. even worse you left without saying goodbye.. i thought you had something towards me.. but i was wrong.. months felt like years without you.. i didn't forget you.. but i suppose you already forgotten about me.. months past you finally decided to contact me back.. but it wasn't like how we used to be.. awkwardness existed between us.. i hated it.. i consider you moved on.. so did i.. once i got a hold of myself you came back.. why? after all this time.. you denied our friendship.. you ignored me ...

What's the point to live anymore?

I start posting this follow by tears,loneliness,and feeling like I wanna suicide.I just hope and never stop,but the results are just the same.Why everyone treats me like this? I don't even know what had I done to them.I'm living in this sad world of mine since my parents decided to divorce .Sometimes, I can't stop thinking of them.Did they loved me as I did? Did they ever think about me? Surely nope~I rather die or get killed by them. I don't wanna live like this.Nobody wants too ,but this is what we called it FATE.In school,house,everywhere...I had been ignored by them.They used to make fool on me.I have feelings that maybe you guys can't even feel the same as I feel...I might be happy in front of my family,friends,siblings...but it just a fake smile of me :) I forced myself to smile,to cover the sadness  because it might bother you.But I thought it wrongs.They never treat me well.I just wanna end immediately.

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE LIES

The moment when I told you that I have moved on,I was lying.I told my friends that I have moved on,I told them I have forgotten all about you and I have no feelings for you at all but everything I told them wasn't true.After all this time I was just pretending and hasn't been a day that I stopped thinking about you.It's always you on my mind and it hurts.I really miss you but I'm afraid to make a call because maybe I would be a bother.It scares me to think that you don't wanna talk to me. Even though we are not together anymore,and how things have changed so drastically but my feelings for you have always been real.I still love you and always will.

SOMETHING OUT OF MY MIND

It's been ages without writing a post .Surprisingly,I have a strong desire to write again.I'm grateful for all the suffering I have gone through,since it's made me appreciate everything so much more.Things maybe different now,but while I'm busy going through the new chapter of life,I'm still looking back to the previous chapters and it brought me into tears without even realizing it.

My workday will go along quite well..so well,in fact,that I'll probably be waiting for the shoe to drop.Well,don't.I've paid my dues and done well.It's time to collect.Relax.Enjoy..It's not just romance my feeling..it's passion..this particular person has got every part of me on high alert..I'm fascinated,enthralled and hoping to get know them  even better..Take a deep breath..I am confidence enough~I love to stay in bed..but I can't--too much to do and too litle time..I can,however get home at decent hour and take up where I left off..Leave the video on pause.

Dedicated to ANONYMOUS~

Being nice to someone I dislike doesn't mean I'm  fake.It means I am  mature enough to tolerate my dislike towards them...why I'm wasting my time getting hurt by someone,when there's someone else out there waiting to make me happy :)  think before you say something hurtful to someone else.It may look like they're ok but they're not..words are more powerful than you think...if you tell the truth..you don't hve to remember or mentioning about the pass...it just like @%^*~)%# I am between the devil and the blue sea right now~~~one thing you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger!

shut up and feel it~

I've been through heartache and have had my heart broken to 1000 pieces..most of which i'm putting back together ..look at the better things in the life..sometimes I need to stop analyzing the part..stop planing the future..stop trying to figure  the crap things...stop deciding with my mind what I want my heart to feel..sometimes..I just have to go with______??? whatever happens..just let it be..i have to forgive and forget but there comes a point when i'm getting sick and tired of letting people hurt me that i gain this whole fuck world attitude..yeahh thats where I am..it hurts knowing someone that i care the most(family and friends)..they have time for anything but not me..and yeahh..i never regret anything that i said because at one time it was exactly what i wanted.HAHAHAHA...and i won't let those fucker close enough to hurt me...even he is my dad! i hate him..don't ask me why..LOL

AGAIN and AGAIN

It is only with the heart that one can see it rightly..what is essential is invisible to the eye..love are just like dream that alive when we meet..it may comes true..today..yeahh still wondering how to stay at home and have a life...firstly..i thought i've got games,videos,and interesting nest and an endless repertoire of stories.. hope can hang out with my friends...but i can't..well i didn't said that i refuse about this..it just because.i need to be alone sometimes.last thursday..i got the urge to stick close to home..well my focus turn to siblings and neighbours..and they could provide me to meet some delightful and i dont't refuse any invitations from them.yeahh quite fun...but problems still messed up in my head..so..yeahh this is me....

I'm FOOL

Day by day...week by week..time by time...i'm still curious..what the hell is going on with me? well..i just want to beloved...but i don't have anyone..i just love myself..it's not  weird...but..*sigh*...sometimes i cry...sometimes i laugh with the fake smile...no one realise it...school gonna open already...just hope my unlucky year will change when the 2012 comes...head fulled with problems...heart full with grudge...and all full with pains! i'm not stupid...everybody not stupid..but i know i can success if i work hard...but i hate when someone forcing me to do something that i don't like.. i meann i didn't said that i hate it the mostt. i just need time to make it..and then i will do it.. but they won't understand....all of this give me a lot of pressure..i was like..''grrrr!i'm going crazy!suicide is the best thing'' but ..hmmmm i'm pitty with my family...they supports me... always and always.. next year i am PMR candidate..  i hope i can score 8A..Everyone hope like that too... i will try my best....study..and sometimes enjoy with friends...well actually i got an awesome friends..THE BAD STRICT...actually the group's got 4 members....but know... my angel(pip) already join it..it was so fun...sometimes i want to share my problems with them..but i can't..i like to kept it..and problems change to grudge..auuuuhhhh!when i talk about grudge..it reminds me to that BITCH!everyone say i have to respect her as my step fucking damn mother!are they stupid? she the one who doesn't respect me...grrr! stop it~ just hope no troubles anymore!i'm tired of it...

It Hurts The Most

I hope someone will understand about me..it's really hurt when we didn't get what we wanted for.. i think it's very useful for me....i'm crying inside and nobody knows it..but,me! every night..just wish and hope...i can die soon.. it's about 4 years i've been through all of this...people always can see me smile..but did they know? between the smile..my heart hurts a lot! i can't stand with it anymore..everyday..i'm frustrated..remember all those craps things...my life are just SUCK!!!!.. full with pains,tears,grudge...but what can i do..just sit alone... cry..cry and cry...no one get it right? yeahh! i know.. i always makes a lot of trouble...i don't know..sometime i feel..i don't have family,friends..even i have them..i didn't wish to born in this world..no one can make me happy :( you guys think that i'm happy.. you guys thought it wrong.. it just a fake smile!fake!fake! i'm SAD! 4 YEARS GUYS! can you guys imagine that.. family problems,and other else..i wish i don't hve a father.he are just suck!holly shit!what? you guys wanna say I AM A RUDE DAUGHTER?..no i'm not! he doesn't care about me for 5 years..didn't call me,ask about me,meet me...and he just did nothing..like he don't hve a daughter...how sad am i...this is the worst thing for me! i hate him! i will never ever forgive him until my heart stop beating...i can't accept him in my life anymore...this is what we called FATE.. my life full with KARMA..yeah i know everyone hates KARMA..but my life ofthen with it..SO i think it doesn't matter...and thanks GOD for giving me the  pretty angel..my mom.. she always support me..but sometimes she kinda annoying..yeahh i admit it..friends are just like my siblings.. but all of them didn't know my problems!no one know. and no one will understand.. because they won't understand...i hope my life will get better....just hope~

Thegirlname PIPPA

You are my good friend..you are like stars.I don't always see them,but I know they're always there.You always brighten my life..I'll always be beside you until the very end wiping all your tears..always being your best friend and sometime bieng your sister  ♥ ..I'll smile when you smile..feel all the pain the pain you do..if you cry a single tear.. I PROMISE I'll cry too..I hope our friendship will last 4 eva and eva..You are my true friend..You laughs at my funny stupid stories even when they're not so good and sympathizes with my troubles even when thye're not so bad..I'll always live for the nights... I can't remember and the friend I'll never forget..I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PIPPA PETROVA MIDDLETON GRIMMIE SALVATORE a.k.a sister and best friend..

My Angel

She's beautiful right? what? cute? yeahh..she's really cute..her name is DIANA a.k.a PIPPA MIDDLETON...yeahh my awesome sister..she is a kind girl.. thanks God for giving me this gorgeous angel...i love her so much..she is my besties 4eva...she always helped me when i'm in trouble...i don't know what else i'm gonna  say..i just don't wanna lose her...both of us were kinda RELATED :P hahahaha.. she always make me laugh..and she can't stop typing her fav word...'LOL'  ..she likes to play guitar..well i'm kinda jealous with her..she was so talented... she has an awesome voice... like TAYLOR SWIFT.... ahahahah... i love her long,straight,shine hair too..when i look at her picture... it remind me to BELLA(kristen stewart) in TWILIGHT's movie..i don't know why..haha n thats it... actually i got more thing to say... but.. ahhaahah i don't know..only that i can say.. I HEART YOU SO MUCH!

DEATH 1

People always say...'i hope i will live longer in this world'..but me...hmm..i don't hoping for that.. i hope my death will coming soon.. everyday,life full with pain..tear... facing all this alone..without anyone...i've to take care of me somehow..everyone doesn't know about me..my fate,my life..it just like erghh! SUCK!everyday,everynight...the sun and the moon will acompany me :( everyone can see i smile..but did u noticed it? it just fake..it's a force smile...sometime i had a KARMA..i hate it...